Fries

You might not guess from the photo that this is about fries, so let me explain. A friend took the picture and didn’t get one of the fries on their own. Meanwhile I was working my backside off like the most primitive little creature, an ant, scurrying from the pot of oil to the oven to the frying pans. Yesterday I had a miniature travelling burger joint set up at my place. I simply didn’t get round to taking pictures. So I’ll have to use a “guest” photo, and sadly it has to be said that my friend isn’t exactly a photographic artist.

OK, though. To the point. This post is about fries. FRIES. The hamburger in the picture just happened to wander in. Focus, OK?

Now that we’ve established it’s about the fries, we have to ask ourselves a philosophical question: why the fries? And honestly, that’s a very good question. But I’ll answer it. F… out of the goodness of my heart.

On Saturday evening I sent a text: “So what time will you be here? Fancy fries too?” The reply was half unprintable. As in, I can’t quote it. Actually, why not? It’s my website. OK. The reply went: “Be there around 12. You can eff right orf with your fries.” Honest, eh?

Listen (read): if you have trouble with the scales (I once had trouble with a Scorpio too ;)), find yourself someone who’ll support you in this. Read: someone with the same problem. Eats too much in the evenings too, loves food, the scales won’t budge… You get it. And when you meet for lunch/dinner/supper, always slip them 2–3 extra fries, or make their burger just that little bit thicker… Just so you can be sure that today at least you definitely haven’t eaten more than the other person. See what I mean now? That’s what I call “the goodness of my heart”.

And now there’s no doubt left in your minds that I’m Polish. I ought to get that seen to 😉

Actually, it’s been ages since I made fries myself. Last time was probably on holiday, but that doesn’t count because I wasn’t at home and, what’s more, I used a deep-fat fryer. Pointless. This is the simplest, though certainly not the quickest, way to make the sort of fries you get in the best burger joints in Warsaw. In fact I think they’re close to the very best ones, from Renesans on Francuska Street.

And speaking of “the goodness of my heart”, my friend gave as good as he got. He presented me with a wonderful, genuine Hungarian salami and took great delight in handing it over with the words, “I hope that doesn’t stick around long in this house.” Then the text that evening: “How’s the salami doing? Is there even half of it left?” Well, what do you think? Was there?

At a glance:

Prep time: about half an hour

Serves: 4 people

How many calories? I won’t look at myself in the mirror for a week

Ingredients for the fries:

• 1 kilogram of large potatoes (spuds, taters, whatever you like to call them)
• a litre of rapeseed oil (this is the one time I don’t use olive oil for frying)
• salt

The recipe (it’s going to get hot):

It will get hot, but not for a good while yet. First I peeled the potatoes thoroughly, washed them and cut them into my ideal fry shape (longish strips of medium thickness). Then I soaked them in cold water for about 5 minutes and rinsed the fries thoroughly several times. The rinse water should run clear.

Now for the worst bit. When I make fries from a kilo of potatoes and have to dry them thoroughly before frying, it takes a fair while and a lot of kitchen paper. So I carefully dried every single little fry.

I heated a litre of oil in a pot (get it good and hot, properly hot for frying. On my “induction flame” I use 6 on a scale of 1–10) and added the fries (I did the kilo of potatoes in 4 batches). Once they’d taken on a pale colour but had already formed a crust, I lifted them out into a bowl. The fries had passed the first stage of becoming a fry.

Then I waited for my friends. When they arrived I fried the fries again, literally 3–4 minutes in small batches, until golden. I lifted them into a bowl with a sheet of kitchen paper at the bottom to soak up the excess fat and salted them. Gave them a good toss and onto the plate.

The nice thing about doing it this way is that when your guests arrive, the fries need just a few short minutes to come out golden and crisp. The perfect fry. Enjoy!