Vegan fritters

All I’ll say is that I dissociate myself 100% from what follows.

I’ll just add that this is a guest appearance.

One more thing: the other day, for the first time in ages, I listened to Kult Unplugged (or whatever it was called). There’s a guest spot by Doctor Yry (Dr Yry), who says it’s the first time he’s ever sung sober. I don’t know if I could face these fritters “sober”. Apparently it’s possible to make them without burning them, but since this is a guest spot and I can put my feet up backstage, I’m leaving the stage to Kaja. Let the girl explain herself and those fritters 😉

“This recipe didn’t come about because there were vegans to feed. Anyone who knows me knows that although I don’t eat much (all right, I eat little and usually healthily), I do like the taste of a good piece of rare beef (that’s what builds biceps, isn’t it?). No, the reason was more that I had hardly any groceries in the house. Turns out you’re more likely to find 10 kinds of bran in my kitchen than eggs, cheese or cold cuts.

On Sunday morning I woke up at 7… which meant one thing: I still had 4.5 hours before I was due at the gym. Plenty of time on my hands. So I decided to prepare for Monday’s meeting. Unfortunately, after 10 minutes it became clear that planning breakfast was going considerably better. I’d make fritters with whatever I had in the house. And since I had neither eggs nor cow’s milk, I decided to make proper healthy vegan fritters this time. And if they were going to be healthy, then no wheat flour and no added sugar either.

They tasted good. In fact, now I’m wondering why people always stick eggs in fritters. Mine came out perfectly without them. You absolutely have to eat them with toppings, though (someone will say that’s because they were burnt… well, yes, partly). I poured maple syrup over mine. If you’re willing to abandon the whole vegan idea, though, my top recommendation is dulce de leche. It ups the calorie count a bit, but it’s worth it. And if I’m telling you it’s worth stuffing yourself with calories, it’s really worth it. I was also sorry I didn’t have any apples. I think they’d have been perfect with the fritters.”

At a glance: 

Preparation time: about 30 – 45 minutes (Kaja likes to give herself a bit of leeway – note from Prymitywna Kuchnia)

Serves: 2 (at most)

Calories: pff, they’re all healthy calories, and it’s breakfast, so they don’t count.

Ingredients for Kaja’s vegan fritters:

• Date purée (here’s the link to that recipe extracted under duress)
• 2 glasses of oat milk (you can use other kinds: soya, rice, nut milk and so on. I suppose cow’s milk will do too if you insist on making ordinary fritters… You’ll find plant milks in delicatessens, in health food shops – for twice the price – and in the organic section at the supermarket)
• Wholemeal spelt flour (hard to get hold of. Carrefour and Simply sometimes have it. The fritters will be just as good with wheat flour, though – wholemeal, of course)
• A packet of dried yeast
• Half a teaspoon of vanilla paste (everyone asks what vanilla paste is. It’s like natural vanilla extract, only in the form of a thick paste. It isn’t cheap, but at least it gives things the scent of real vanilla rather than factory-made you-know-what.)
• Fresh lemon zest
• Water
• Maple syrup – to serve

Recipe (I dread to think what she’s come up with):

I poured the room-temperature milk into a bowl, stirred in the yeast and left it for 5 minutes. Now for the flour. This part takes judgement: add enough to give the batter the consistency of thick cream. Stir the date purée, grated lemon zest and vanilla paste into the batter. Leave it for 15 minutes so the yeast starts to “bubble”.

Meanwhile, heat the frying pan. I fried mine without any fat, but the more nitpicky among us said I’d burnt them. If you ask me, at most they’d caramelised… So yes, you can fry them in fat if you absolutely have to spoil such a healthy breakfast (just not butter, Jacek! They’re supposed to be vegan). Fry the fritters for a few minutes on each side, keeping an eye on them so the outside hasn’t burnt by the time the middle is cooked through. Judgement again. Done! Enjoy!